Currently

I have separated from my wife of three years and am starting the process of getting a divorce. I never thought I would be here, but at the same time am surprised that it took this long. There have been so many thing about this entire relationship that didn't work. Music tastes, conversations, communication, temperament. really, there are too many to list for me right now. I moved out of my house and back to my parents house. It is odd being here. I know in my head that I am thirty-four, but there is so much of this that makes me feel like a teenager. I stay out later, I hide out a bit, I try and help out where I can. I am thankful that my parents are here to help when they are needed, but I really need back into my house. I need private space with my own things. Like my bed, my TV, my room, my kitchen. At the same time I'm very much done with living in that house and look forward to moving into the house being built. I hope that is doesn't take the entire time the builder quoted us, because that would mean I'm not moving until the end of the year. I things go like I had planned on, there is a chance I will never live in this house that I chose. It is very frustrating on so many levels, but I also know that I am in a spot to create a new life for myself. I can choose to move to a new state, do things that I have wanted to do for years, do some crazy impulsive things that I would have never done had I stayed married. I have started seeing someone, and she seems like a very good match for me. We think a lot alike, and we call each other on our BS frequently. She is insistent that she is the "rebound girl" and I see ways in which she is. She is stable in her life. Right now, I am trying to cling to that stability because I feel like I don't have any. I know, in a little while, I will get back to that place. But in the mean time, I am off finding myself. I felt like I had lost essential pieces of who I was in the course of my relationship, and I am going to find out what kind of man I am and want to be. Frightening.